Life and Times of AlieMalie

The last two days have seemed like a year.

We arrived Sunday morning at 3:30AM and then spent Sunday at the Smithsonian with the other 5 million people in DC. My cousin has never been to DC til this trip and having just returned from Iraq and having a less than perfect reunion with his (now ex) fiancee, he has been my date. I can only imagine what his commanders will think when he returns to tell them what we've done and who we've seen:

- Smithsonian
- Waited 9 hours in 22-27F weather to see Barack Obama and Joe Biden inaugurated.
- Attended the Youth Ball and saw: Ashton Kutcher, Usher, Kanye and Fall Out Boy.
- Attended the (better than any other) Staff Ball – invite only and the hottest ticket in town with Arcade Fire and Jay Z.

There's so much else and I have so many pictures.

My feet hurt – almost enough that I wish they were frozen again so they'd be numb.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

I apologize for taking some people by surprise with the rollercoaster of the last two posts – truly a look inside the daily happenings in my head. I'm going to try to blog/write this stuff out as it comes up because it helps me try to help myself.

Thanks to y'all who have commented or emailed, I really appreciate it.

Anyway, since everyone of the 5 million people around me seems to be deliriously happy here in DC, I must admit that things are going well. And I *am* happy about these events and I feel so much more comfortable knowing that by this time tomorrow, Bushie will be gone.

So here's a post by the numbers:

1 – hundred yards from the podium where the oaths will be administered to where I'll be.

2 – number of balls I'll be attending. I'm that cool.

3 – number of official events I have tickets to.

4 – time in the morning I expect to be on the train into the city.

5 – miles I expect to walk from the closest metro stop to where my tickets are for.

6 – I have no clue what 6 is for.

7 – hours I expect to stand around til Obama actually takes his oath.

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

When your entire childhood is spent hearing that you're exceptionally intelligent and that your brain is all that you have to use to succeed in life, admitting that there's something abnormal in a detrimental way is difficult. Especially if it involves depression and a chemical imbalance. Having to admit that the best part of you isn't perfect after having that ingrained you only makes the depression worse as it either becomes or adds to the situational aspect of the depression which compounds the chemical issues.

I also have other situational crap:
1. I never had any brothers or sisters and because my parents divorced and I was shuttled between them and then uprooted through 5 different schools, I never had a chance to create, build upon and sustain any lasting friendships. I am socially awkward.

2. I'm fat. I'm ashamed of this and try desperately to change this fact. In the past year exercise had been virtually impossible as I was working 18 hour days 7 days a week, didn't have a set routine and was not in one place longer than a few months. I know I am the only person who made myself overweight and I'm the only person who can solve this problem. Nevertheless, being fat makes you invisible in our society except as the butt of daily jokes from anyone – even people who know it hurts and those who you're normally closest to: coworkers, friends and even family. If someone does happen to notice you, usually you're assumed to be stupid or at least not as smart as them. This plays in to the first thing I mentioned here and though I personally know I have extreme intelligence, if others doubt my best quality, I am wounded. If people have this "less intelligent" opinion of you, it'll feed their ignoance (in its truest sense) of you. This is a topic best left to a post of its own as there are issues that surround only it and yet affect everything else.

3. Apparently, as I've found in the past 7 months, I'm forgetable. I can count on one hand the number of people back home whom I considered good friends who have contacted me. I'm pretty sure I could never go home and only 1 would notice.

4. Even after spelling out my depression to my mother 2 weeks ago when I called .her, she has not said anything via any sort of communication to inquire how I'm doing. I've told her numerous times in the past year that it makes me feel worthless to feel like I don't matter to her if she never asks how or even where I am.

I feel like I'm on a very slippery slope and only a very few people have taken notice – and not even those who see me daily or know me best (or maybe not, maybe I just felt they'd be the people who'd know me best).

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T