Archive for November 2006
Dear God: An Open Letter
To Whichever God it May Concern,
1 part let’s diagnose AlieMalie with an MRSA staph infection. You would think that would be enough for one day – hell, a week or a month in my book! – especially seeing that it’s one of the scariest infections anyone could possibly get since there are so few medications that work to get rid of it since it’s resistant – hence the R in the name there, buddy – to virtually everything. Also, do we NOT remember the week last year that AlieMalie’s mother spent in the hospital nearly dying of said infection? Oh, let’s just give AlieMalie a little scare, why don’t we? Grr. No worries though, there’s always Cipro. Joy.
1 part let’s steal AlieMalie’s car. Well, not Bonnie the Honda, but nevertheless, my other car – the one that I’ll be selling to help fund my move. I went to the place where I keep it to find that it was no longer there! I know you actually didn’t have someone steal it in the long run, in the long run it turned out that someone had actually just had it towed by a wrecking service EVEN THOUGH IT WASN’T WITHIN THEIR RIGHTS TO DO IT, but really, did we need this extra bit of drama that only cost well over $200 to iron out? Not to mention the two hours running all over town, the bitch at the towing company and the Queen Bitch who had my car towed? It’s all well and good that we eventually untangled that mess and it turned out that the car HADN’T been stolen, but when I arrived and it wasn’t there and no one had an answer ’til about 5 phone calls later you can see why I assumed as much.
1 part the house that I’m house sitting at having the alarm go off not once but twice. You’d think my blood pressure would be high enough as it is after the first two happenings today, but no, let’s throw in a “AlieMalie is sure that the house is being burglarised and there’s NOTHING SHE CAN DO ABOUT IT AND WHAT THE HELL IS SHE GOING TO DO?” in. You’re right, I needed that extra bit of adrenaline coursing through my system because apparently, I didn’t have enough. You’re soooo right. I mean, who am I to judge?
1 part let’s put AlieMalie’s grandfather in the hospital with a heart condition. That’s just grand. Supposedly the doctor says there’s nothing wrong but if that’s the case, why does he continue to have unpredictable fainting spells and tightness in the chest? Can I order a new physician for him, please? Thanks.
Let’s see, what else was there? There’s another thing that I’m not at liberty to put on the blog in this open letter, but you and I both know, God, that we really didn’t need to put me through that either, I mean enough is enough. Let it slide. There’s always tomorrow, or how about next year? Could we push this sort of crap back a bit? We both know I was already dreading the holidays this year, did we have to make it worse?
Lastly, do you find extreme pleasure in inflicting all of this a week before finals? Yea, it could’ve happened next week and I’m hoping nothing similar will, but it would’ve been nice – and easier to handle – had all this happened when I’m not in midst of studying and finishing up my papers.
Anyway, thank you in advance for assuring that my camera arrives tomorrow, the UPS Gods are apparently ON TOP OF THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES, might I suggest a page out of their book? Was all of this stuff today just payment upfront for the sheer ecstasy I shall feel tomorrow when I open the box and gaze lovingly at my new favourite toy? Let’s hope that it is. And also, can we say I’ve paid the balance? Please? I’d appreciate it. I think all that I’ve been through today is more than enough payment on my part for one Canon Rebel XT. Don’t you think? Actually, I’m not going to ask that question for that would just be foolish. I don’t want to tempt you in any way, shape or form; though I’m sure me just being me is tempting enough for you in the first place. Might I direct you and your magnifying glass to the anthill just outside in the front yard?
Thanks again,
AlieMalie
PS – To be honest, everything’s A-OK and I’m really not too upset. Everything’s under control and I’m learning to take things one at a time, that way it’s not too terribly overwhelming, it’s just difficult to take a deep breath at the end of the day and know everything’s going to turn out ok but I’m managing. And on an super happy note, I cannot wait for tomorrow when my camera arrives. I’m still in Boing! mode, honestly and truly.
Yay!
Balmy weather is about to turn icy
An arctic air mass from Canada will move across Central Texas and arrive in [my city] early Thursday, bringing the coldest temperatures since February, according to the National Weather Service.
ARCTIC WEATHER?! Yessssssss … it’s about freaking time. I should NOT be using the air conditioning in my car in the last week of November!
It’s On Its Way!
Monday Stories: Jedi Cat
As you remember from the great nail polish lie, Tumbleweed was one of the kitties my family had growing up – kitty isn’t quite the right word, perhaps felinus maximus gargantuous is more appropriate, he was huge: 18 pounds, just a really big, fat, fluffy, hulk of a black cat – a perfect Halloween cat. I don’t have any photos of Weed but Tweedles, my mother’s cat, is his spitting image so he’ll have to stand in today. Anyway, our next door neighbours had a dog that Weed didn’t particularly like. These are the same neighbours who had two little girls whom I used to pal around with; we’d run around their backyard, chase their chickens, go swimming in the creek on the next property over, build forts in our trees and try to avoid trouble – unfortunately, trouble didn’t avoid us. These are the same girls that had the bunk bed that I was standing on top of when I ended up walking into a ceiling fan that was set on high. I still have a dent in my head – it explains quite a bit.
The neighbours had a SharPei – those super ugly dogs that look like they need to be starched and ironed – who really needed an attitude adjustment. He was normally kept in a fenced yard and not allowed to associate with anyone but occasionally he’d get out and go wandering along our drive and through everyone’s yards. On more than one occasion, he threatened people living in the neighbourhood though he never actually bit or attacked anyone
One summer afternoon, my mother and I were out on the patio connected to our house, a good 200 yards from the SharPei’s house, when he came stalking up the sidewalk leading to our front door. I was closer to the house but my mother was near the point where the patio met the sidewalk, probably about twenty feet or so from the edge of the house. For no apparent reason, the dog started crouching into a lunge position, baring his teeth and growling at my mother. She was not amused. Not wanting to make any sudden movements that would encourage the dog to actually attack, my mother just started to move towards the house at a snail’s pace. Unfortunately, the dog followed.
Once my mother was about halfway between where she had previously been and the front door, we heard one of the most god awful hisses ever followed by a flying cat. Weed managed to jump off the roof where he had been sunning himself in true cat form, land on the back of the offending dog and latch all four feet into the flanks of the offending creature. I honestly don’t think that dog ever knew what hit him, all he knew was that he was getting the hell out of Dodge, turning in a split second and running at full tilt towards home. But that wasn’t it, he truly couldn’t shake Weed. So there they were watching Weed in full Halloween cat form with his back arched and tail bushy, riding that dog home and teaching him that he was not welcome in any way, shape or form. Oh, and by the way, cats rule and dogs drool. He hammered that lesson home.
Wonderfully enough, that dog never made another appearance at our house and tended to stick close to home, lest he come nose to nose with any other feline. The greatest thing, however, happened a few weeks later. We got a phone call from our neighbours – who after being told of their dog’s affront, were very apologetic – asking if our cat, by any chance, was perhaps, just out of the blue, missing a claw? Yep, you got that right: Tumbleweed left a reminder for that damn dog in the form of a claw lodged deep in his back.
Weed: the original bad ass cat.
Banned
The damage? I haven’t yet accounted for all the funds lost, but it’s a really big dent:
3 cashmere sweaters
2 long sleeved tees
1 really nice pair of slacks
1 pair of jeans
1 great new coat
loads of sexy underthings, teehee
I think that’s it. Geez, I really HOPE that’s it. Yikes.
Oh, and when we went out to LG’s hometown we also stopped by the local butcher to pick up some of the best jerkey known to man. I’ve tried the beef jerkey that I got and am waiting to try the venison. Yum Yum.
I think I’m going to go put my debit card in a block of ice now. I’d really like to be able to do things while I’m in Europe other than walk around starving my butt off because I don’t have a cent to my name. BUT, at least the tickets over are already in my hot little hands so no matter what, I WILL be going.
Was fun, though I must say that the best thing about this weekend has been, by far, the fact that I’ve been able to spend it in the company of some totally awesome people. Turkey day was spent with a good friend and her family, and yesterday and today LG and I bummed around together. Well, she didn’t bum since her team “won” and sent my National Champion team to some lame bowl that IS NOT THE BCS BOWL GAME WHICH MEANS THEY WILL NOT BE RETURNING NATIONAL CHAMPIONS. And by “won” I mean that they had to completely lay out our quarterback to the point where he was CARRIED OFF THE FIELD ON A STRETCHER. Grr.
Paper writing all day tomorrow. Joy.
