Life and Times of AlieMalie

Thanks to John, my attention has been drawn to the doping scandal that the Tour is going through now. Er, rather, that the cycling world is going through. The two leading cyclists who were left after Armstong retired last year, Ullrich and Basso – who were expected to duke it out in the mountains this July – have been SUSPENDED from their respective teams after a HUGE doping scandal. This is HUGE, people, HUGE. Wow. I am so surprised.

I need to go read up on this. I’ve been out of the house all day and hadn’t heard a thing ’til just now. Holy cow!

edit: The Times article also talks about how Vinokurov – who was a strong contender last year as well as being second only to Ullrich on the T-Mobile team last year – will be out as well since his new team has pulled out of the Tour. Some of cycling’s biggest names – Ullrich, Basso, Mancebo, Vinokurov and Beloki – are all out of the race. This means that in some ways, the Tour will be even MORE exciting this year. The field is WIDE OPEN. Maybe Georgie Hincapie – *swoon* – actually has a chance now. Ooooh, this is veddy exciting. Sucks a bit ’cause cycling doesn’t need this kind of crap – though they’re already seen as one of the most doped sports ever, more than baseball even – but it throws all expectations out the window. Fun fun fun fun fun. I can’t wait for July!

In the spirit of the AlieMalie-is-on-a-rant-against-Bush-afternoon we’re having, I thought I’d share a joke. One of my favourites.

Bush dies and goes to heaven to meet St Peter at the Pearly Gates. Peter looks at Bush, sticks out his hand and says, “Nice to meet you, Mr. Bush. We’ve been waiting for this day, welcome to Heaven.” He goes on: “It’s now our policy to allow people to choose whether they spend all of eternity in eith…” Bush, being the incredibly impatient man that he is, grabs Peter and slaps him on the back and says, “No, no, Pete, my man, I’ve already decided, I want to spend the rest of eternity here in Heaven with you and my homeboy Jesus. He and I got tight back in Midland.” Peter is insistent, “No, George. We made an agreement with Lucifer that ALL newcomers must visit both Heaven and Hell for a day each before making their decision. YOU MUST VISIT HELL.” As Peter leads Bush over to the elevator, he smiles kindly, shakes Bush’s hand, encourages him to enjoy his stay in Hell and says he’ll look forward to tomorrow when Bush comes back for his stay in Heaven.

Bush boards the elevator shaking his head, wondering why they’re making him spend a day in Hell. “Why? I’ve done everything fine, confessed all my sins, quit drinking, ran for president – won! What’s a little cheating here and there? – why couldn’t they see I’ll would want to be in Heav…” His thought stopped mid-sentence as the doors opened and he realised he was on a golf course on the most beautiful day he’d ever experienced. There was his daddy, Tom DeLay, Karl Rove, Bandar Bush, Kenneth Lay – all of his old buddies with beer in hand and each with some of the most bodacious, beautiful women on each arm that he’d EVER seen. “And this is considered Hell?” he thought. He stepped out of the elevator, introduced himself to the Devil and asked for a tour. They played a round of golf, enjoyed some more beers and the sight of all the nearly naked women running around chashing and picking up golf balls for them. He couldn’t believe himself. He remarked to the Devil, “I don’t see why anyone would ever want to leave this place.” Lucifer just leaned back and laughed while sweeping his arm out, “Isn’t it great? Blue skies, sunshine, women, beer and golf. What more could you want?” Bush just shook his head in disbelief.

Later that evening, the Devil came over and patted Bush on the back and said, “Well, Georgie, it’s been great having you, but you have to go up to Heaven and spend a day there.” Bush was insistent that he didn’t want to leave. Why would he when he had everything he ever wanted here in Hell? Leave Heaven for Laura. He wouldn’t need her here. The Devil was insistent, “YOU MUST VISIT HEAVEN.” For he knew the wrath he’d experience from God if he didn’t send Bush back.

Reluctantly, Bush boarded the elevator for the ride back to Heaven. Peter met him at the door again and asked how the visit in Hell was. “Great!” said Bush. “I don’t see how you have anyone pick Heaven nowadays.” Peter just chuckled to himself as he led Bush through the Pearly Gates. Here, everyone was sitting around on their clouds in white flowing robes, singing, talking in hushed tones and discussing ways to make the place better – for everyone. There was Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Nelson Mandela – all these wonderful people Bush hadn’t given a second thought to. “B-O-R-I-N-G.” thought Bush, “Why would anyone choose this lame place when they’ve got beer, sex and golf in Hell?”

At the end of his stay in Heaven, Bush approached Peter and said, “Hey man, thanks for the tour, but I really think I’ll fit better in Hell.” Peter shook Bush’s hand one last time and put him on the elevator, laughing hysterically as soon as the doors were closed. Bush just couldn’t wait to get to Hell. Bush just kept repeating things in his head: Sex. Booze. Golf. Sex. Booze. Golf. He started rubbing his hands together in anticipation.

As the doors opened he stopped in his tracks. No longer there was the golf course. Instead, he saw a dark, dank, smoggy city where his friends were stumbling past, eyes glazed from exhaustion as they wore disgustingly dirty rags and picked up a never ending trail of trash. Bush searched for his friends. Yep, they were all there though none had the energy to come over and welcome him in. They didn’t care. The Devil sauntered over and slapped Bush on the back, “Welcome home, George.” Bush looked at the Devil, stunned. “Yesterday …”

“Yesterday,” the Devil started, “You came down here and we all campaigned for you, promised you the world you’ve always dreamed about.” The Devil started rolling with laughter, “Today, George, today you voted for us.”

Dear Mr. Bush,

Listen, fucker, you can only screw this country so many ways ’til someone takes notice; even your friends over there at the Supreme Court. You know that blank check you wrote yourself on September 12, 2001? It BOUNCED. TODAY. I find it abominable that you think that since you didn’t get your way, now you can go to Congress and ask them for a new check and a law that will allow military tribunals. Did you not understand what the court said? It said, “Mr. Bush, you are WRONG. You are NOT all powerful and you have OVERSTEPPED your boundaries.” Do you not think that even if Congress passes a law allowing the tribunals, the Supreme Court won’t review it and say it is ALSO unconstitutional? Why are you wasting our time and our image on the world stage – if we even have any left, which I highly doubt we do – on shit like this?

Wishing you a great time in hell,
AlieMalie

I’m still not thrilled with the goings on in this administration, but I’m happy to see that SOME PEOPLE are starting to use their heads. I really hate the fact that our Supreme Court has Scalia, ScAlito and – even worse – Roberts as Chief Justice. But I can’t really change that, now can I? However, today they have slapped this administration with regards to the military tribunals at Guantanamo. I find this quite amazing but I’m still not holding my breath for anything. I’m not sure if this is election year bullshit that is actually including the Supreme Court – which is SUPPOSED to be IMPARTIAL – or if Bush totally fucked himself by appointing two justices who might actually think things through and recognise the downward spiral Bush is attempting – quite successfully – to take this country. But given the fact that they, for all intents and purposes, allowed the gerrymandering that DeLay partook in here in Texas.

I think this slap on the wrist to Bush is just a fluke, especially since Scalia and ScAlito were dissenting, at least Roberts had the wherewithal to abstain since he was part of the appeals court that heard this case last year. Who knows? AT LEAST IT’S SOMETHING.

FW interviewed me a couple of weeks ago over on his blog. I answered them a while ago but never posted them up thinking I’d wait ’til a really slow day here in AlieMalie land – blogwise at least. Here are my answers.

1. You meet the man of your dreams…he is everything you could have asked for and more. Five years later youre married and expecting a child and you still love this man more than anything and could never imagine being with anyone else. You have a child and when the child is 10 years old you take a family vacation to another country. While in said country you, your husband and your 10 year old child are kidnapped by a group of terrorists. They tell you that they are going to kill one person…only one and you have to decide who dies. You cannot choose yourself so it must be either your husband or your 10 year old child. If you choose….the terrorists will keep their promise and only the one you chose will die. If you do not choose….both will be killed. Throw any type of logic out the window as this is a hypothetical question and logic does not apply. Who do you choose and what are the reasons for your choice? This is an easy question for me. I’d choose my husband. Even though I have no children of my own, I have children whom I’ve been involved with for years whom I would lay my own life down for any day of the week; knowing this, I can only imagine the feelings I’d have for a child of my own. The love I think I would have for any child borne of a relationship with a man who is my all and I am the same for him, would, by definition, supercede the love I have for my husband – since the child would be the creation of that love. I don’t think I could ever do anything to harm any child. Ever. Plus, I’d still have the love for my husband in our child. I wish this never to come to pass, in any way, shape or form.

2. You find out youve contracted an STD from an ex lover and you want revenge. You trash his car, order 20 pizzas to be delivered to his home, post all his darkest secrets in an internet forum where all his friends and family are sure to see them, etc. You literally put this guy through absolute hell, but you do so in a way that he will never know it was you. Two days later…your doctors office calls to tell you that there was a mix up with your tests and you do not have the STD. Do you tell the ex you were the one that did all these things and apologize? Or do you keep quiet and leave him to wonder who could have done all these terrible things? Hmm, with the ex I have in mind, RK, this wouldn’t be too bad, he’d actually deserve more. And with this particular ex, I would keep my mouth shut. haha.

3. You can only eat one food for the rest of your life…breakfast, lunch, dinner….one food. What food do you choose and why? I’d love to say mac & cheese since I seem to be able to eat that any time, any place; but I have to say I’d need to go with something a bit more balanced. Chicken ceasar salad with egg and cheese mixed in. That way I’d have protein, fiber, fat and sugars all in one meal. Why am I always so freaking practical? Grr.

4. You have been fortunate enough to find out the exact date and time of your own death. Unfortunately….the date is only 1 month away. Besides the obvious spending time with family and friends and such….what 5 things do you absolutely have to do in that month before you die? One, I have to step foot on all seven continents. That is my ultimate goal in life. Period. Screw grad school, finding the cure for cancer or garnering world peace. I will step on every continent before I die. I have three down and need four more: Asia, Africa, South America and Antarctica. If any one of you says anything about me never getting to Antarctica I will singlehandedly kick your butt. Or would that be singlefootedly? Anyway. That’s one. Two, go back to Budapest. Three, become a Canadian. Four, take out as many insurance policies as possible and name all my friends as beneficiaries. This is a hard question because it already assumes that I’d have time with my friends and family which is far and away the most important thing to me. Traveling is the biggest thing in my life and I can’t get a grad degree in a month and why would I if I only have a month to live? So bite me if you think my number four is lame, I just won’t name you. My fifth thing that I would absolutely have to do would have to occur on the absolute last day of my life. It involves some politician and that’s all I’m going to say about that. Where’s the quote about having two lives to give for your country? Right.

5. Someone who hated your mother more than life itself dies and had decided to play a nasty game and name you in their will before their death. By the conditions of the will you will get 5 million dollars every year for the next 5 years, but you may not have any contact whatsoever with your mother for the next 5 years. You can have any amount of the money you receive sent to your mother to make her life easier, but for the next 5 years you cannot see her, speak to her, send her emails or letters or contact her at all in any way, shape or form. Do you take the money? Nope. My mother and I may not have the easiest of relationships, but we’ve been through hell and back together and I wouldn’t give up five years with her for any amount of money. Ever.

Rules:

• If you wish to participate, leave a comment saying, “interview me.”
• I will ask you five questions – totally different from the ones I was asked.
• You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
• You include this explanation of the rules and an offer to interview others in the same post.
• When others comment asking to be interviewed, you ask them five new questions.

I have no energy to write at the moment. Not even enough to think. I was sitting in my noon class today when all of a sudden there was this great, big, huge, monumental brick wall right in front of me and I was going so fucking fast and just slammed right into it. I’ve never slept in class, but today I had to put my head down in between major points in the lecture because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’d come up when the prof made major points, take some notes, and then put my head back down. I never fell asleep. This went on in my second class as well. Thank god my third class was canceled, otherwise I don’t think I would have made it. I’m having a bit of a second wind now, but I’ll be in bed by 10. Very early pour moi.

Anyhoo … I took this earlier this week at my “other parents’” house. It’s a Night Blooming Sirius and only ever blooms at night – late at night – and each bloom only lasts one night. This plant had six buds on it all at once, totally amazing. With that, I’ll see you on the flip side.